Khel Khel Main

Emotional Intelligence
# Ordinary Supermen.
What does it take to turn a team of talented hard workers into unstoppable world beaters?
Pride, patriotism, and above all the aura. You definitely feel the presence or the aura. Opposition teams feel it too. It was Australia’s aura that influenced Savrav Ganguly to bowl first when he won the toss on the morning of the world cup final 2003. His decision was judged harshly & was considered to be one of the reasons for India’s defeat in the final. But, it is inside the team that this aura works its greatest wonders. New comers whatever their skills or status are absorbed. They quickly feed the confidence & solidarity of their team-mates, soon they are performing feats on the field that their mere flesh and bones would suggest are impossible.
Australia won their third world cup final in four. Almost everything that could go wrong for Australia did go wrong:
Ø In January ’03 Shane Watson was ruled out with a back injury and was replaced by Symonds.
Ø On the morning of Australia’s opening match the Shane Warne drugs scandal broke, he was replaced by Hogg.
Ø Two weeks later, Jason Gillespie, who had been nearing his demonic best, limped home, Bichel replaced him.
Ø Ponting had already replaced one of the best captains in the world Steve Waugh, when the names of the players for world cup were declared. Steve Waugh had no place in the team.
Still they won- brilliantly, stylishly, uncompromisingly. Australian’s played with energy and never say die intensity. This aura cannot be brought, borrowed or copied.
Ø It is tied with an intense pride in their cap. That no other country possesses.
Ø It comes from players’ simple heartfelt patriotism.
Ø Their will to win for the people back home who aren’t blessed enough to play for Australia.
Ø It lies in the inspiration they draw from historical figures and events.
Other countries can simulate Australia’s academy, fielding drills and administrative structure. But the things that truly make this team what it is cannot be replicated. They come from the heart.

# They have a second type of intellect, even we have it, but we don’t make use of it. The German poet Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe referred to this using the German word “Herzensbildung” which literally means the “education of heart”. Today we call this emotional intelligence. Intellect and emotion are two sides of the same coin, without feelings, there would be no perception, no memory and no thought. And without a direct wire to the human emotions, not even the most powerful electronic brain will be in a position to think intelligently.
Thus Emotions + Positive Thoughts = Emotional intelligence.
Sports often present us with stressful situations or quarrels in which we find ourselves doing things that we immediately wish we had never done. Strong feelings such as shame, jealousy, and fear can affect our perceptions; often causing us to act before the brain interfere and make us behave in a more controlled manner.
Competition can bring out the best or the worst in athletes. It is often the competitor with the stronger emotional intelligence who can control his or her mind before and during events, who wins. Positive emotions can help sustain motivation and enable us to approach events with enthusiasm and energy. Negative emotions by contrast are linked to avoidance behavior and withdrawal. Different athletes react differently to the same situation. The one, who takes the responsibility to make things happen, emerges to be a winner. The individual must find self-knowledge – the ability to consciously and continuously recognize his or her own thinking process and feelings. You are what you feel and think you are. If you are confused and worried the outcome is most likely to be confused and unsatisfactory. If your thinking is clear and to the point, your brain will give you clear and concise action toward the outcome you desire. Maintaining mental health and emotional composure is not simply the matter of perceiving our own emotions, but also involves the realization that feelings can be controlled.

# Intelligence to a certain degree, is something we are born with, skill can be acquired to a certain level, but emotional intelligence or as the meaning suggest education of heart can be learned and improved. Five simple steps of emotional intelligence or the hierarchy of emotional intelligence.



1. Love:
Love your game and the team you play for: With love the most beautiful of all feelings, a relaxed mood prevails. When you are in love with your game, you sometimes attain that rare condition of bliss, in which the brain shuts off all unpleasant feelings and provides the highest energy. When this happens – you feel so strong that you believe you can attain any goal. This love for the game prevents you from getting burn out; hence you enjoy the game more and more. When you love your team – you believe and support each other, you stand united in any challenge or circumstances. It’s a different feeling and a different game. You float into the so-called seventh heaven, with a relaxed body and mind.

2. Self-confidence:
Positive attitude towards self and towards the outcome of the game: It’s important to remain positive in every situation. This can be difficult, given that much of sport dictates that there be winner as well as looser. However, if you dwell on the negatives and on that looser will occur, are you going to improve any aspect of your game? Probably no. So-choose to be positive, and to see positives in your performance. Even the most deflating butt-kicking contains elements of future success. The consequences are that you will be more relaxed, in a better mood, and will most likely learn valuable lessons. Focus on those natural abilities or gifts that are unique to you as an athlete or individual, you will notice that you will feel much more excited about the up-coming competition. Thinking in this manner will put you in a state of mind where you can easily feel confident and can expect to win.

3. Emotional Self Control:
Control the controllable: Can you control any of the following things:
Ø The playing conditions
Ø The umpires decision
Ø Weather, temperature
Ø Field conditions
Ø Play of your opponent
Ø A bad bounce
Ø Your coach’s reaction
Ø Winning the game
No. But you try to control it. Hence you start getting nervous, which will leave your muscles too tight to play well. Second your confidence will begin to spiral down. Third, how well do you think you will play if you are uptight and have no confidence? You guessed it! Not Very! Emotional intelligence is the shift in your focus from these uncontrollable factors to the factors you can control. You cannot control the event, but you definitely can control your response to that event. That is what makes the difference. Our performance is a function of not our condition but our response to that condition. Respond positively to any situation and expect positive outcome.

4. Empathy:
Respect and appreciation for others: Emotional intelligence also means being in command of your own feelings, your interest in others and your ability to engage in exchange and co-operation with others. It is to respect and acknowledge other people’s contribution in your success. Give credit to others where it is due. Respect your opponents, competitors for their skills, their interest in the game and for their effort to make the game challenging. Similarly respect your social responsibility. Pay back to the society in some way or the other. It’s again a different feeling.

5. You v/s you:
Pushing back the limits: When you reach to this step of emotional intelligence you are not interested in the result of the competition. What you are interested in now is to discover your potentials. Now your competition is not with your opponent, it is with yourself. You make records and you break your own records. You find out new methods, skills and strategies to make the game more and more challenging for yourself. You are not even bothered of where you stand in the ranking because you are much above that competition. You become world beaters and unstoppable, when you keep on beating your old records and are making the new once.
# Once you start climbing the hierarchy of emotional intelligence no negative emotion will be aroused by any situation. Even in a very horrible situation you would still remain positive, confident and successfully come out of any condition.

# Finally I end up my paper with a case that explains how Emotional intelligence can become a competitive advantage and make you a better person.
Formula 1 season the then 5 times world champion Michael Schumacher in his scarlet red Ferrari would have never been under such a tremendous pressure any time before. Reason:
Ø Badly lost 3 opening races of the season
Ø Had to switch over to previous year’s car
Ø 4th race on Ferrari’s home turf: Monza
Ø His mother was critically ill and she passed away a couple of hours before the race.
No one expected him to win. A situation of pressure, emotions, sentiments, commitment, devotion, courage and performance put to test. It was a race to win by defeating his younger brother on a day when both brothers were in almost the same mental frame. Still he raced with the aggression he never delivered before, never raced with such vigor to take the chequered flag for first win of 2003 and latter winning the world championship for 6th time and now he is 7 times world champion. Still you can see the same passion and love for the game.
He has faced tough situations many times:
Ø His brother’s severe accident in front of his eyes during a race.
Ø His own car catching fire while refueling.
But he overcame all such situations and even won those races. Thus by controlling the controllable you can make miracles happen. He has made many records, earned a lot of money, a lot of respect and affection from his teammates and fans and shares the same with others. Never ever his post race conference ends without thanking all his mechanics and even the person who cleans up his car and helmet and people who work on shop floor in the factory to build his machine. After achieving so much in the game his answer to the question ‘what next?’ is “I’ll carry on racing for as long as I get that buzz when I am behind wheels. Pushing back the limits is what makes this game challenging”.
With season 2004 completely dominated by him, he races and competes with himself for his love for driving. And still the champion is humble and modest who would always be there to help others. Be it financially 10 million $ for tsunami victims or working for Dalai Lama for a day in the tea garden.

# Emotional Intelligence helps ordinary people in doing extraordinary things.

Spending Attitude

Spending Attitude

This incidence happened some 4-5 yrs ago, when I was doing my first years of Masters. This was the time when cell phones were about to enter into our everyday life. We had 40 students in the class and out of which only 2 students had cell phones and out of 4 professors only 1 had the cell phone. Cell phones were considered as a symbol of pride at that time and people loved to show their cell phones.

One of my friends, Soni use to get very irritated with others’ cell phones and the ring tones as the phone owners had the habit of listening to the ring tones continuously one after another. She would always say, “They only want to show off their cell phones, what urgent and important work they have to do, for which they need the cell phone.” I also agreed to her to a point that cell phone should not be allowed in the classroom or at least it needs to be switched off or put on silent mode, as it disturb others.

I have a habit of reading books and I like to have the real good books in my library. One day I had brought two books, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey and ‘You can Win’ by Shiv Khera, the cost of the two books was around Rs. 500 to 600. I talked about the books with Soni, how wonderful the books are and it would help me grow as a person and as a counselor, to which she very excitedly said, “Oh, I have heard about these books and they are really wonderful books to have, but are very costly, I cannot buy it. If you don’t mind can I have the books to read, I will return as soon as I finish reading the books.” I gave her the books to read.

After three weeks or so she returned the books saying, “Wow! Wonderful books. I have a request can you give them to me again when I need them for reference?” and I agreed to lend the books to her when she requires. She added further, “you know what I have brought something and I want to show you that.” She took out something from her bag and I was shocked to see that it was a cell phone worth Rs. 6000 to 7000. I thought some three weeks back she said that she couldn’t afford the books worth Rs. 500-600, which she may require for her reference, but now she can afford a cell phone worth Rs. 6000-7000 and earlier she never liked the idea of having a cell phone in college. I very curiously asked her, “You found 6000-7000 Rs. cell phone essential to have than the books worth Rs. 500-600 which you plan to borrow from me.” To which she gave a very strange answer, she said, “I wanted to show these two that even I could afford a cell phone.”

I had no reply for that answer. I thought that’s her view. But I never thought that her views would turn out expensive for me where I had to lend her my books when she wanted to use them for reference and for her cell phone, well I always had to call her back after her missed calls.

Now after 5 years I am still using those books for my reference and she had changed 4 cell phone models to show others she can afford to have a new cell phone with more functions in it.

It’s not just about Soni and her cell phone but if you look around you will find many such people who are continuously wasting their money buying things to impress others or to show others what they can afford, and they never get satisfied with what they have.

“The average American is busy buying things he doesn’t want with the money he doesn’t have to impress people he doesn’t like.” O.Donald Olson

It’s not just about the money but I believe it reflects the attitude too. Your spending behavior can be a window to your attitude. Just check!

Keep Your Goal In Sight

Keep Your Goal In Sight

Its’ a story I read a few months back and liked it very much and therefore would like to share with you all.

Ahmed was seated in the lounge at the airport in Mumbai, waiting to take the midnight flight to London. He had reached the airport hours before schedule and was already tired of sitting idly. Oh, how many times he had mentally rehearsed his speech for the all important meeting in London. Tired of idling around he decided to take a stroll – after all he had checked in his baggage and was still almost an hour left before he would be let inside the gate.

Ahmed went out for a stroll. After the crowd and the noise inside the airport, the cool air outside and the quiet of the night were a welcome change for Ahmed. He decided to venture a little further, after checking his watch. Going further down, he noticed a lone machine on the sidewalk. He was drawn by curiosity to the machine. It turned to be a simple weighing machine. Acting on a childish impulse, Ahmed took out a coin and inserted it in the slot. A card popped out and Ahmed was stunned to read it. It said: “Good evening, Mr.Ahmed you weigh sixty kilos. Hope you enjoy your midnight flight to London.” By God, how could a simple machine know his name, and his plans! Amazing!

Ahmed was tempted to try checking again, to see if it was all really happening. He went through the procedure of positioning himself correctly and inserting the coin in the slot. The card that came out then read, “Good evening, Mr. Ahmed, you still weigh sixty kilos. Hope you enjoy your midnight flight to London.”

Now Ahmed was truly taken aback. He still couldn’t figure out, how a simple machine could tell so much about him. He had to know. It was getting more and more curious. He stood wondering on the various theories and possibilities that could have gone into making the special machine. He mentally worked out many combinations. Nothing seemed convincing.

After a while, he decided to test the machine again. This time he carefully removed his heavy shoes and jacket and placed them at a distance from the machine. He then stood on the machine and inserted one of his last coins. The card that came out then read,” Good evening, with or without shoes and jacket, you are still Mr.Ahmed and you still weigh sixty kilos. You just missed your midnight flight to London.”

How many Ahmed are there among us? Most of us. Distracted by happenings, real or imagined, we lose sight of our major and immediate goals in life. Distracted and led on a fantasy trip, Ahmed let go of his immediate goal-that of catching the flight out to London. There are ways out, no doubt. However, imagine the waste of time money, effort, anxiety for both Ahmed and his family members who would be waiting for him, and a chain of other related upsets and disturbances. A meeting missed, having to answer people….

Most of the times we get into the things which are less important to us at that moment and waste our energy and time in doing things which give us nothing in return but frustration, stress and tensions.

As author Robert J. McKain says, “The reason most goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first.”

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” – William James